Table Dating: Tybalt Is Not Amused
by KitCatesby
Summary: Parody and Yaoi Romance with Tybutio! Table Dating in Verona: The whole RxJ cast experiences a unique form of meeting someone new and Tybalt is not happy about it. Warning on Mercutio's dirty mind, Paris's pedo-bearness, and Romeo's 'love' ideals. SLASH!


**Its Verona Table dating!**

**VERY suggestive stuff basically from Mercutio, Romeo, and Tybalt. lol. **

**Mercutio is amazingly witty to a fault.  
>Tybalt is stubbornly obnoxious to a fault. <strong>

**It's the perfect match ;)**

**oOo**

Tybalt always thought table-dating was a little stupid. He didn't like the idea of having a time limit to meet the person he would pursue. And so, usually, he would turn down his uncle's ridiculous ideas to find his nephew a lover.

"Table-dating." Tybalt spat, trying to avoid driving off the road. "How utterly humiliating."

Tybalt was NOT a man of new things. He preferred to be fashionable, haughty, and gorgeous in his own system of life. He told his uncle many times that he did not need this. But he just had to insist.

So, as Tybalt entered the restaurant where the ordeal was being held, he slightly cursed his uncle's persistent ways.

**oOo**

He was surprised (and slightly disgusted) to see that this was not just any table-dating event. This was also for men to meet men and vice versa for the other gender. Horrified, he contemplated leaving . . .

"Cousin!" Juliet cried, throwing her arms around his neck. He grimaced as her shoulder punched him in the jugular.

She was all smiles. "I can't wait to do this! It'll be so much fun!" She giggled as the man up front began to tell them the rules.

"Two minutes is all you have, guys! Be fair, now, and calmly go to the next table when time is up! Be sure to ask for phone numbers during your time if you find your partner interesting! Relax, open up, and have fun!"

There was a witty, bawdy remark from a blonde man in front of Tybalt. "Open up? He didn't even buy me dinner!"

A few people(almost everyone) erupted in laughter as he grinned cynically.

A pretty boy, Tybalt thought he resembled Justin Beiber or Zac Effron, asked the man up front, "What if the person we see is true love? Two minutes is hardly enough!"

A wavy/curly haired brunette boy beside him chuckled softly. "True love? Dear Romeo, just ask their number then!"

"Okay, then if you find . . . 'true love' . . . just meet with them after the event and ask for another date, I guess." The announcer smiled kindly. "Okay! If there are no more questions, we'll begin now!"

Every turned to their tables and sat down. Juliet was seated with this one guy (Tybalt thought his name was Paris or something gay like that). She didn't seem to like him much. . .

Tybalt himself was faced against the curly haired brunette. "I'm not gay." He said before they even began talking. The boy blushed and turned his head.

"I understand that, no need to be so positively uncouth!" He shook the blush off, "I am Benvolio."

"Again. I'm not interested-,"

"Neither am I!" The boy stammered, "I just wanted to say I'm bi-sexual so there is no need to be so afraid. I'm not going to pursue you any further than you wish if you are not . . . homosexual."

And after that, the rest of their conversation revolved around music and women in the room and the witty but vulgar man with blonde hair's early pun. They shared one or two chuckles before time was up, then Tybalt moved on-

-to Juliet.

"Um-,"

"Yea."

"This is not working out so far for me."

"Same here."

"That Paris guy asked me to marry him."

"What? Dude, it's only been the first meeting!" Tybalt felt a rush of rage hit him.

"I know, right?" Juliet looked to her side, at Paris who managed to somehow catch her gaze and smile. He was talking to that Romeo fellow now. Speaking of Justin-wannabe-Beiber, he looked friggin depressed, glancing and a girl Tybalt thought was named Rosa-something.

"Well, be careful okay? I don't trust these weird date things. They freak me out and I feel so violated with I have to sit with a man."

Juliet smiled and laughed. "Alright! LOL, don't get into too much trouble, okay?"

He smirked, but only for a moment, "Right . . . no promises. If some random pedophile starts to put the moves on me, I'm out of here."

Soon, Tybalt found himself facing the Rosa-girl. Her real name was Rosaline and she seemed to be pretty full of herself. She talked about her hair, her new earrings, her time limit for a marriage proposal, how many children she'd want, what expectations she'd have of him if he dated her and blah-blah-blah.

He began to thank God that it was only a two-minute ordeal. However, he noticed as she left, that she managed to get a lot of her list into those two minutes . . .

The blonde was here now. Yet another man.

While he smirked across the table from Tybalt, the black-haired boy watched his cousin sit down with Zac-I'm-an-emo-Effron. Romeo, was his name and he seemed to be putting the moves on her quite nicely. She was giggling, he was blushing, they were laughing and he didn't look that depressed anymore.

"Helloooo?"

He turned to the blonde who was now leaning quite far over the table. Was it Tybalt's imagination or where the blonde's eyes bluer than his own? He scowled at this.

"Tybalt, huh?" the man grinned. "Isn't that like that old story about the prince of cats-Tybert or Tybalt? Whatever name it was . . . I'll call you that then, Prince of Cats."

Tybalt ground through his teeth, "And who are you? I'd like to know the name of the most annoying person here so they can carve it on your grave."

"So cliché!" He smirked. "I'm Mercutio Escalus."

Tybalt recognized the last name almost automatically. "Related to that rich guy Escalus? The guy that's practically prince?"

The smirk faded into a frown and the blue eyes dimmed a little. "Yea, so?"

Seeing that it clearly upset the man, Tybalt pressed forward, "Royalty huh? Impressive. Do you have a fancy car? Loads of cash-?"

"Yea, yea, Prince of Cats, I'm up-the-spaz with cash. What, wanna sleep with me so you can have some money of your own? Desperate now are we?" Mercutio erupted in his own jest.

Tybalt was slightly irked and slightly entertained.

"Isn't that a bit whorish of you?" Tybalt remarked, settling on his elbows like his partner was. They were closer now than before. "What, am I that sexy?"

"You'd like for me to say yes, wouldn't you?"

"And be a one-night-stand? I think not, blondy."

"Blondy! A cute nick-name! What are we a couple now?"

"No, but I can tell you really want to be."

"Oh! Yes! Yes Tybalt! I certainly want to get laid by you! Oh joyful days! Please, I beseech you, don't make me wait a minute longer!"

"Hey, I said nothing about being 'laid'. Now you're fantasizing."

Mercutio licked his lips. Tybalt blushed violently. "I most undoubtedly am. Interested?" The table went awkward for a moment and Tybalt considered taking him up on that offer.

But then, the buzzer went off and both of their faces fell a little.

"Well, here's my number ~wink~." Mercutio again erupted in his laughter, handing a slip of paper with a legit number and a chibi head that resembled him. He got up and Tybalt remained seated, watching him strut off to the next table.

"I'm. Not. Gay!" he growled-

-right as Paris walked up to his table. They connected eyes, Paris's shoulders fell, and he just kept walking.

Tybalt sighed.

The next person he was pared up with wasn't near as exciting and suggestively perverted as Mercutio. It was emo-lover-boy-Beiber and his swoopy hair. "Ah! You're the cousin of Juliet! Oh she's so lovely! I'll marry her, you just watch! She's so hot; smoking really. I hope she's still a virgin. Then again, girls are so picky about that. Oh, man, she let me have it on the rules. I'm not allowed to just 'use' her and trust me man . . . with that body . . . I won't! Heh heh! She's so sweet and funny and you know, I think I'll date her and ask her to marry me tomorrow! What do you think, cousin? LAWL! Like, seriously though."

Tybalt felt his eye twitch. "I'll kill you . . ." He muttered, "You know what? You and me, tomorrow afternoon. I'll kill you, you just wait."

Romeo's eyes went wide and he paled just as the buzzer went off.

The next girl he met was a fat, older women with a loud voice, a booming personality and a stench that could kill. She talked his head off about Juliet and he soon realized she must have been her nurse. Tybalt wondered in amazement how he had ever forgotten the woman somewhere in his memory.

The last person he met was a pedo-bear looking man that stared at him like he was the victim of his next 'Yaoi-yummy-time fantasy.' And, to Tybalt's horror, he found out the man was a friar of all people . . .

So, after a long night, he had only one phone number and that's really all he needed. He hadn't really expected to call Mercutio, considering he had screamed 'I'm not gay' so many times that night.

"_Yea?"_

"Idiot."

"_Hm, Prince of Cats? I'm touched! You actually called!"_

"Just shut up and tell me where you live."

"_Stalker, much?"_

"Ha, yes, hilarious. You're the one who groped me over the table."

"_Groped? What a suggestive word! Don't tell me your that hungry?" _He snickered over the phone.

"You'll see." Tybalt said it in such a deep tone, Mercutio had to pause on his way to his apartment to chuckle. "By the way, do you . . . consort . . . with that Romeo guy?"

"_Consort? What, does that make us musicians? Heh, yea, he's one of my best friends. Why?"_

"He's pissed me off. He wants to get laid by my cousin. I challenged him to a fight tomorrow."

"_Whoa~," _Tybalt rolled his eyes at the blonde's tone. _"That's rather old-timey of you! But seriously, I know Romeo is a douche, but he's my friend so . . . yea."_

Tybalt sighed, "Right, whatever you say."

He heard a door open and close from over the phone. Also, there was the jingle of keys being thrown on a counter, the ruffle of a jacket being discarded, then the 'ploof' sound of him crashing on the couch. _"Well, since we were talking about musicians and stuff, I guess you should know that I do a little 'playing' myself."_

Tybalt smirked. He didn't realize he was this perverted until just now. "Oh?"

"_777 Verona Lane." _Mercutio mused, _"That's my address. And yea, if you hurry I'll show you."_

"Heh, show me what?"

"_Ah, you see, I play the violin. And here's my fiddle-stick. Hurry along Prince of Cats and I'll teach you how to play as well."_

Tybalt, as he began to walk in the direction of the address, smirked. Perhaps his ridiculous uncle DID have some good ideas every now and then.

**oOo**

**Random Tybutio!**

**:D I really had not planned that until after I was done. I kinda had to, lol. So please comment and review and junk cuz I want to know if you like it!**


End file.
